Thursday, December 31, 2009

My New Year's Resolutions

I resolve to only give fur Mohawks to my kitties on days which end in "Y".

I resolve to not call people "dumbass"... to their faces.

I resolve to never buy store brand peanut butter again.

I resolve to assign a different ring tone to each of my contacts so I won't have to get off the couch to know who's calling.

I resolve to eat healthier and exercise more.

Eh... who am I kidding. May as well go ahead and scratch that one now.


I resolve to put more money into savings. Countries and crowns don't buy themselves!

I resolve to never wear sensible shoes or holiday sweaters.

I resolve to belittle the ignorant instead of mentally pinching their heads off.

I resolve that this year will be better than the last! Here's to old friends and new beginnings.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

What happens in Erie...

During my trip home for the holidays, I made the short (3 hr) drive up to Erie, PA to meet with my ol' pal, Vel, who drove in from Rochester, NY. First thing we did was to hit the online Porn Name Generator. Seriously. Since Vel's got the best porn name ever... Velvet Spicer... I needed a moniker as equally phenomenal. So for the duration of our visit I went by the name Jizzy Slamm!


First we exchanged Christmas presents. (One of Vel's gifts was a little doggy that's supposed to poop jellybeans. I, of course, tossed the jellybeans and filled his behind with Raisinettes instead.)


Check this - it's the view from our hotel balcony.


We were like moths to a flame, baby. Moths to a flame. The sign posted outside the fireworks shop read, "Pepperspray, Stunguns and Sugar-Free Fudge". Awesome!

So after we dropped a cool $100 on fudge and fireworks, we went shopping for hours and terrorized the wait staff at Olive Garden. By this time, the snow was falling pretty hard and we had a few drinks under our belts (scratch that - under our stretchy pants) so we decided to go black ice skating in the parking lot.





Black ice skating works up quite a thirst so we went in search of frosty beverages. Erie is a strange town. Their convenience stores don't sell alcohol! We walked all over the Quickie Mart and nothing. We didn't want to appear stupid after spending so much time wandering up and down their aisles, so we purchased two truckers caps, a nekkid lady bottle cozy and a kazoo. We eventually found refreshments at a placed called BEER STORE. Those Erie folks are mighty clever. Betcha it took them weeks to come up with that store name. It only beat out LIKKER STORE because they weren't sure on the spelling.

Back at the hotel, Vel kicked my ass in bottle cap toss. I, on the other hand, managed to open all my bottles without breaking a single tooth. I'm Supah Klassy! Hey... that'd be a good porn name too!



I think we ended up passing out around 2AM or so. I believe this was just after we tossed cat calls to the men below shoveling the walks. No... wait... we did that in the morning. Honestly, I can't recall anything that happened between the hours of 11and 2. Vel? Can you fill in the gaps?

Friday, December 25, 2009

On the twelfth day of Christmas...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Retro gave to me...

the best Christmas movie!



when she lied to Santa,
a pic of her tree,
her favorite present,
Pecan Bars a baking,
why she's not in show biz,
Christmas morning bed head,
five Elvis songs!
Marshmallow World,
three fat cats,
krazed dancing Julie,
and her mother's chili recipe!

I wish to thank everyone for being such loyal readers and followers. I have a great time writing about my adventures and it's always a treat to know that you're right there, giggling along with me. Wishing you a joyous holiday season and the hopes that Grandma blacks out before she finishes off all the rum balls. Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 21, 2009

On the eighth day of Christmas...

On the eighth day of Christmas, Retro gave to me...

Pecan Bars a baking!


Pecan Pie Bars

1 box yellow cake mix
(set aside 1 cup of cake mix from package)
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 egg, slightly beaten
3 eggs
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 cup dark corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/4 cups coarsely chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly grease a 9x13-inch baking pan; set aside. Set aside second measure of the cake mix for the filling. For the crust, in a large mixing bowl combine remaining cake mix, butter, and slightly beaten egg. Stir with a fork until crumbly. Turn into prepared pan. With lightly floured hands, press evenly onto the bottom to form a crust. Bake for 12 minutes. Meanwhile, for filling, in a medium bowl combine the second measure of eggs, brown sugar, corn syrup and vanilla. Add the reserved cake mix; stir with a fork just until blended. Some tiny cake clumps will remain. Spread filling evenly over baked crust; sprinkle with pecans. Bake for 25 - 30 minutes or until filling appears set when pan is gently shaken. Cool completely on wire rack. Cut into bars. Cover and chill to store.

why she's not in show biz,
Christmas morning bed head,
five Elvis songs!
Marshmallow World,
three fat cats,
krazed dancing Julie,
and her mother's chili recipe!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

On the first day of Christmas...

On the first day of Christmas, Retro gave to me...

her mother's chili recipe!


Cindy's Chili

1 lb ground beef
2 - 15oz cans kidney beans (one can dark red, one can light)
1 - 15oz can tomato sauce
1 - 10oz can Ro*Tel Mexican tomatoes
1 heaping tbsp chili powder
1 onion, left whole
salt to taste
Fritos corn chips, for garnish

In large pot, brown ground beef. Do not drain. Add all remaining ingredients (again, without draining any of the liquids). Fill one of the empty 15oz cans with water and add. Float the onion for flavor. Simmer on low for 1-2 hours, or all day in crock pot on low.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Everybody loves Bo Bunny sometime...

~crooning~

Everybody loves Bo Bunny sometime
Everybody falls in love somehow
Something in their designs has told me
That sometime is now


I've spent a lot of time working with Bo Bunny's 'Tis The Season line of papers in recent weeks. And, as a result, there are a few items that I simply must share with you.

The Santa Paws layout I created for My Creative Scrapbook was spotlighted on Bo Bunny's blog. Cool, huh?!

Check it:

Bo Bunny

In addition, today over on Ideas For Scrapbookers is the gift bow tutorial I wrote, featuring the use of Bo Bunny patterned papers.

Check it out also:

Gift Bow Tutorial

Let's hear it for Bo Bunny!

And since I'm making you check things out...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

'Tis the Season...

... to be crafty! Fa la la la la la la la.

Wow that was cheesy. Mmmm... cheese. Melted cheese. Deep Fried Cheese Sticks. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. Cheesy Bread. Cheesecake!

But you're here now. And I've managed to keep you here with the talk of cheese, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to show you my latest projects. Everything here (with the notable exception of my charismatic wit and charm) was made with My Creative Scrapbook's Creative Kit for December.


Christmas morning, 1995, Punky (aka Santa Paws) spent some time with my cousins. Journaling reads, "Santa Paws gave Becca, Ethan and Lucas the gifts of joy and holiday cheer... then ate all their cookies."


This is a photo I took of Sketch last year during the holidays. I wonder what he's thinking about? I'll bet it's cheese.


Won't you join with me in singing Chelsea's Christmas Carol?

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree
How prickly are your branches!

My parents say I must behave;
and not pick fights with my brother, Chase.

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree
How prickly are your branches!

If I am good, Santa brings me gifts.
How many days 'til December 25th?!

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree
How prickly are your branches!

It wasn't me! I'm innocent!
He hit me first! 'Twas self defense!



A paper Christmas tree! Just what you've always wanted, right?! Want it? No... seriously... want it?

Forget about the cheese, would ya! I'm trying to find this paper tree a loving home. Yours perhaps?

No? Ghah!

Okay! Okay! I'll throw in a cheese slice.

Friday, December 4, 2009

St.Mary's / Cumberland Island - Part 3

When we last saw our heroes they were dehydrated and facing certain death from exposure on the Cumberland Island dunes. They had but three options. One - backtrack 1.5 miles to the Dungeness to retrieve forgotten water canister. Two - proceed 1.5 miles in the other direction to the Sea Camp Ranger Station. Or Three - drink from one of the other two water canisters they had in reserve. Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat.

Hydrated, we finish our trek through the dunes and eventually reach the beach. Cause one thing leads to another. Hey! If this is up then I'm up, but you're running out of sight. You've seen your name on the walls. And when one little bump leads to shock, miss a beat. You run for cover and there's heat, why don't they... Sorry, I felt we could all use an 80's Fixx.

Anyways, we finally reach the beach. And since most folks who visit the island tend to stick to the trails, we had the entire beach to ourselves. Miles and miles of deserted beach. Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Speaking of leaving a trail - after about a mile, we saw hoof prints in the sand.


Which we followed...


By the time we reached the access point for the campgrounds we were more than ready for a break. The path leading to the campsite has an amazing oak cover. Check it:


After we'd emptied our shoes of beach sand, had us some snackage (note to self - tell Paula to pack her own damn Cheez-Its next time), and hit the bathrooms, I sucked some air on a nearby picnic table.


Gaining our second wind, we crossed through the campgrounds and followed the Parallel Trail north. It was on this trail that we realized armadillos are Cumberland Island's squirrel. They're everywhere! At one point Paula had to caution me to slow down because I was about ready to step on one of the lil' buggers.

My speed bump:


We followed the Parallel Trail up to the crossroads for Greyfield Inn. If you're unfamiliar with Greyfield, it's "a grand and graceful mansion located on Georgia's Golden Isles on the state's southernmost coastal island, Cumberland Island." Yeah... yeah... yeah. All you really need to know is that rooms go for $400-$600 per night and it can't be seen from the road. Unacceptable! So...

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Determined to catch a glimpse of Muffy and Biff partaking in afternoon tea, Paula and I go cross country. Nothing! Nada! Zip! That freakin' inn is more hidden than the fine print on a Michael's coupon!


Deflated and dejected, we head back towards the dock in order to catch our return ferry. Along the way we take two slight detours - one by way of the Sea Camp Ranger Station and the other through the Ice House Museum. With about fifteen minutes left before our ferry arrives, we take a seat under some oak trees along the shore. As we're relaxing and reliving the days' activities, our last wild horse strolls into view. Beautiful.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

St.Mary's / Cumberland Island - Part 2

We awoke the next morning to sunlight beaming through our plantation shutters and the scent of pastries and freshly brewed coffee wafting upstairs. I was a little disappointed that there were no bluebirds or mice in little vests about to help me dress, but I didn't dwell.

We dressed quickly, gathered our gear and walked across the street to the ferry office. Once we had our tickets in hand, we grabbed a quick but hearty breakfast at the Riverside Cafe. Very good food but strange-assed artwork. All of the cafe's walls were decorated with creepy Suessified painted masks. They listened in on our conversation, they read the menu over our shoulders and I swear I heard the green one ask, "you gonna eat that?" I raised my butter knife in a threatening manner towards The Grinch That Stole My Omelet.

Shortly thereafter, we boarded the ferry for the 45 minute trip over to Cumberland Island. We staked out the best seats, donned our sunglasses, and got our cameras at the ready as the ferry set sail. Three minutes later we're two shivering, frozen masses huddled on the bench, vigorously rubbing two beef jerky sticks together in an effort to start a fire. Who knew that an early morning boat ride in November would be so freakin' cold?!

Once we discussed which passengers we'd eat if the ferry were to... say... hit an iceberg, therefore, leaving us all stranded on the freezing waters of the St.Marys; we docked. I still contend that chubby toddler in the red windbreaker would have been much better eating than the chick with the saddlebag thighs.

Anyways, we start off on the path that leads to the Dungeness ruins. It is on this path that we encounter our first pair of wild horses. Beautiful.


We continue on to Dungeness - which is where Paula took this photo of me:


There were signs posted everywhere asking us not to stand or sit on the brick wall (Hello! The Dungeness "ruins"!), and since I live to follow rules, I popped a squat. My doing so allowed hundreds of thorny sand spurs the opportunity to attach themselves to my backside. Weeks later I'm still feeling the wrath of those lil' buggers! You ask me, they'd be better off posting signs about the the dangers of ass spurs.

Carefully avoiding a steaming pile of horse dung (see pic above), we took a short trek down to the Dungeness cemetery to where General Light House Harry Lee was once buried. His grave site now bears a marker explaining that his remains were moved to the Lee family crypt in Lexington, Virginia in 1913. From the cemetery, we traveled the Nightingale Trail towards the dunes and beach. Along the way we encountered a herd of stampeding turkeys. Gaggle? Flock? A bit of googling informs me that a group of turkeys is actually called a 'rafter'. What the... ?! Herd is much better. The Turkey Herd:


We're half way through the dunes when we realized that I'd inadvertently left my water canister sitting on the Dungeness wall. It's important to mention that there's nowhere on the island to purchase food or water. Visitors are instructed to carry any provisions and supplies they may require during their stay. Paula's reaction to my water situation:


~cue ominous music~

(to be continued)
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