What happens in Erie...

During my trip home for the holidays, I made the short (3 hr) drive up to Erie, PA to meet with my ol' pal, Vel, who drove in from Rochester, NY. First thing we did was to hit the online Porn Name Generator. Seriously. Since Vel's got the best porn name ever... Velvet Spicer... I needed a moniker as equally phenomenal. So for the duration of our visit I went by the name Jizzy Slamm!


First we exchanged Christmas presents. (One of Vel's gifts was a little doggy that's supposed to poop jellybeans. I, of course, tossed the jellybeans and filled his behind with Raisinettes instead.)


Check this - it's the view from our hotel balcony.


We were like moths to a flame, baby. Moths to a flame. The sign posted outside the fireworks shop read, "Pepperspray, Stunguns and Sugar-Free Fudge". Awesome!

So after we dropped a cool $100 on fudge and fireworks, we went shopping for hours and terrorized the wait staff at Olive Garden. By this time, the snow was falling pretty hard and we had a few drinks under our belts (scratch that - under our stretchy pants) so we decided to go black ice skating in the parking lot.





Black ice skating works up quite a thirst so we went in search of frosty beverages. Erie is a strange town. Their convenience stores don't sell alcohol! We walked all over the Quickie Mart and nothing. We didn't want to appear stupid after spending so much time wandering up and down their aisles, so we purchased two truckers caps, a nekkid lady bottle cozy and a kazoo. We eventually found refreshments at a placed called BEER STORE. Those Erie folks are mighty clever. Betcha it took them weeks to come up with that store name. It only beat out LIKKER STORE because they weren't sure on the spelling.

Back at the hotel, Vel kicked my ass in bottle cap toss. I, on the other hand, managed to open all my bottles without breaking a single tooth. I'm Supah Klassy! Hey... that'd be a good porn name too!



I think we ended up passing out around 2AM or so. I believe this was just after we tossed cat calls to the men below shoveling the walks. No... wait... we did that in the morning. Honestly, I can't recall anything that happened between the hours of 11and 2. Vel? Can you fill in the gaps?